So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize