So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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