I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
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