he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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