The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
