Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
