My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
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