don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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