I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.