i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.