I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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