I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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