So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize