so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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