Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
