my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
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it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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