In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
