I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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