That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
