3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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