I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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