I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
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I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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