I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
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Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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