This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
