Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
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I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
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Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
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