Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
