....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize