its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
