its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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