you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize