Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
