bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
kristin has been a bad kristin
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.