all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick