My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way