why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.