If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
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i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
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Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
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