you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
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Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
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We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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