I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize