oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize