Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize