She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I'm really busy with my period
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