Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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