i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one