tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
19 Of The Most Epic “I Quit’ Stories Ever
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush