Soap is not a condiment
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.