please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
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But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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