There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
