If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
