I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
