I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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