Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
