the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
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I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
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I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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