Where are you?
In a non slutty way
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
