i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.