he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...