I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.