I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
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