best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
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Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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