I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
