i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize